"Texas" Bix Bender

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Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew.  Your mouth is 
probably a whole lot bigger'n you think. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' 
somebody else's dog around. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

Never ask a man the size of his spread. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good that he started 
roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.  The 
moral: when you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad 
judgment. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

Always drink upstream from the herd. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then 
To make sure it's still there. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be 
suprised if they learn their lesson. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

The best way to have a quiche for dinner is to make it up and put it in 
The oven to bake at 325 degrees. Meanwhile, get out a large T-bone, grill 
it, and when it's done, eat it. As for the quiche, continue to let it bake, 
but otherwise ignore it. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown 
around by somebody else. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

Always take a good look at what you're about to eat.  It's not so 
important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back 
in your pocket. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

A smart-ass just don't fit in a saddle. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

Never miss a good chance to shut up. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works. 
  -- Texas Bix Bender, "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On" 

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